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A week in the training diary of Tylenol Hamilton

(as described to Steve Stanozolol, Bike Manawatu’s most positive reporter)

Monday: Rehab and recovery day (raced yesterday). Aim is to stay clean for 12 hours. (3 pm – already looking forward to tomorrow…)

Tuesday: Wet, so trained indoors. Did two hours of VO2max training. Needed three litres of fluid, but improved my VO2max by 40%! Soon as I finished, I pulled out the IV, hopped on the bike, and rode home.

Wednesday: Altitude training with Floyd – we got as high as we could. I got a nasty downer on the way back, but came good after a couple of long blacks, beta blockers, and some aspirin. Floyd punctured, but he couldn’t find another vein.

Thursday: Hardest training day. Aim is to maximize physical stress to gain most rapid adaptation, so training on empty. Therefore use own blood and only coffee, aspirin, and Coldrex. Hard work… Went home via the pharmacy for some recovery assistance.

Friday: Undulating. Took and upper, then a downer, then another upper, then another downer…

Saturday: Aim is to peak for the race, so spent some time memorizing tomorrow’s course. I now almost know it by heart (red pill, green pill, purple pill, brown – red pill, green pill, purple pill, brown etc. etc.)

Sunday: Race day. Get up and have a couple of long blacks; feeling good. Got the black “jelly beans” mixed up with the red ones, so going like a train for the first 100 km, but ran out of legs after three hours and got the shakes. I swore I saw Elvis at the top of the second KOM. Ended up in the sag wagon with Marco and some of Am-Feta-Mean, the new US team. Got called up for a test, but got through doping control by explaining I was a chimera, and showed them both my ID cards.

After race at the pub, run into ex team mate and multiple Tour winner, Lance Boil. Accuses me of dobbing him in and a scuffle ensues after which the spare B sample which I normally keep in my wallet had disappeared! Damn, I’ll now have to go out and buy another one…